


How Hard is it... Really?

by AlyxHavok



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Malec, Shadowhunters 2x19 coda fic, Something was missing and I had to add it, sh spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 20:07:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11744253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyxHavok/pseuds/AlyxHavok
Summary: Catarina has a talk with Magnus and Jace has a talk with Alec.





	How Hard is it... Really?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuscleMemory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/gifts).



> I personally felt like something was missing in this last episode. Talks that should have been had were not there, so I wrote them how I would imagine them.
> 
> I wrote this for my lovey and brilliant Parabeta, MuscleMemory.

Cat and Magnus

“Then it’s a good thing I wear comfortable shoes.” Catarina’s smile warms his heart as she jokes with him, he has missed this feeling, being happy and amongst friends.

He begins to say something when Madzie pulls at his coat, “Where is Alec?” And immediately his face falls again. Alec, where is he? He is at the institute being the leader they need him to be while Magnus is here trying to be the leader his people need him to be.

Catarina sees the look in his eyes and shifts herself to sit up in front of Magnus, but her attention is on Madzie first, “He is doing a big job right now, one that has required him and Magnus to be apart right now, but it won’t last. He will be back soon.” She winks at Madzie and waves her on to play with the other children. Now her fierce eyes meet Magnus’ eyes. “How bad is it? The message you sent said you made a huge decision one that cost you dearly, and I didn’t question it then, but I should have. What did you do?”

“I did what I had to, for our people.” Magnus makes to move away from Catarina, but she catches his hands, shaking her head, “Cat, I can’t side with the queen and the clave.”

“Don’t you get it, you are not choosing the queen over the clave? You are choosing the queen over your heart. Over the man you already love with all that you are. I know it has been a short time, but I have known you for centuries and this is not the man I know.” She eyes him fully. “Every time we have spoken about Alec, you have had more and more adoration in your tone, until that turned into pure and real love. Love I have never heard from you before. He is the one for you, Magnus, and you know if you throw that away, you will never have anything like it again.”

Magnus closes his eyes and sighs, she is right. But how does Magnus protect his people and keep Alec. “I can’t have both. I can’t protect all of us and be with him.”

“Why not? You don’t need the Seelie queen to protect us. You are Magnus Bane. Son of…” Catarina catches Magnus’ warning glare. “You know who your parentage is, and yet you deny your power, your strength.” It is a sad day when Magnus has to watch another loved one frown because of his mistakes. “Fix this, Magnus, and do it right. Follow your heart. Your whole heart not just the ‘protect my people’ or the ‘love Alec with all that I am’ part. ALL. OF. IT.  
Magnus sighs, “How do I face him.”

Cat’s grip tightens on his wrist, “Start slow.” She looks him right in the eyes, “Say his name.”  
“Huh?”

“You have not said his name.”

“Of course I have.”

“No, I have. You have addressed Alec as _him_ this entire time.”

“Okay, how do I face Ale…Alexander, after the pain I caused him.” And with that he breaks, his face falls and the tears take over as Cat’s arms wrap around him, his face buried in her shoulder.

Parabatai

Jace and Alec head for the weapons room, they have to find Jonathan and they need to do it fast. But Alec’s mind is stuck on Magnus. He wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t speak to him. Alec wanted to throw himself across the table and grab Magnus by the lapels and demand to be looked at, spoken to. He wanted to order everyone out but Magnus, and beg him to talk to him, to say anything at all. Watching Magnus walk out behind the queen, was something he never thought he would see, and it was a new kind of heartbreak. Watching Magnus run from this, run from him.

He grabs for his bow and arrows and as his hands grip it he remembers they truly belong to Magnus, just as his heart still does. He blinks back the tears, before Jace can see them. “Alec,” Jace’s hand rests on his shoulder, “We need to talk about this?”

Alec’s posture straightens and he turns to his Parabatai with a serious look on his face. “Nothing to talk about.”

Jace sighs, “Come on, Alec. I can sense how broken your heart is. I know it is you and not me because I have never felt this pain before now. You have never felt this way.”

Alec’s chin begins to quiver and he tries to hold it back, “Well, if I knew this was how it would feel to have your heart ripped out, I wouldn’t have let it go so easily.” It is a snap, but not at Jace, he knows better, he feels different. This is anger at Alec himself.

“No, because you can’t help who your heart chooses, Alec.” Jace, grabs his brother’s hand and pulls him to sit on a bench close by, he doesn’t let go. “Talk to me.”

“I want him back, so bad.” Alec can’t even try to mask it this time. The tears fall and he lets the words follow. “I wanted him to look at me once, to see how bad I am hurting, how much I love him and need him. But he left me behind... again, Jace.” His grip on Jace’s fingers tightens. “I don’t understand why it has to hurt so much.”

“Because love, while being a strength is also a weakness.” He sighs, “To love is to destroy and to be loved is to be the one destroyed.” He quotes Valentine’s words to his Parabatai, earning him a glare. “But that does not mean what Valentine thinks it does. You are destroyed Alec, and so is Magnus, because there is no one else for you both, but each other. And yes this hurts so bad right now, but I know you, Alec. You are not giving up on Magnus. I felt your determination in that meeting just as I felt it at your wedding, when you walked down that aisle and smooched him right on the face.”

“It seems like so long ago.” Alec frowns, “While this pain just keeps hitting me over and over… like a ton of bricks.”

“Believe me, I know.” He looks across the weapons room, toward Clary and Izzy getting ready for the mission. He doesn’t say anything.

“I felt it…”

“Huh?”

“When your heart broke.” Alec sighs. “I felt it but I did nothing to comfort you, like you are for me.” He pulls his hand from Jace’s grasp, “I don’t deserve this.”

“Yes, you do, you didn’t say anything to me because I made it clear I didn’t want to talk about it, and we were already fighting, remember?”

Alec nods, “I should have been there for you. I should always be there for you, and everyone I love.”

“Yeah, you should, that includes Magnus. And although he pushed you away, you need to fight for him. Show him, Alec, show him that you will be by his side no matter what.”

Then Alec leans his head down to rest it on his Parabatai’s shoulder, nodding against it. That is exactly what he plans to do, from now on. Show everyone he cares and loves that he can be a leader and be there to protect and love them.


End file.
